I don't know how to explain how grateful I am for this day. The day that this tiny, fragile little baby took his first breath and changed my life forever.
This day has so much meaning to me, both good and bad. It carries with it some fearful memories as my son was born only to head into surgery the very next day. It carries with it some painful wounds of not getting to hold or even see my son when he was born. The first time I laid eyes on him was a picture my husband took on his phone. I was the last one of my family and close friends to meet Hudson down in the NICU. And a part of me still breaks over this.
But on the day of my son's birth, I am so thankful for EVERYTHING this day means to me. I love reflecting even on the old wounds because with it I see the true miracle of my son. The miracle of redemption. Because God redeems all things. It's an iron clad promise. And sometimes, just sometimes, we get the privledge of experiencing His redemptive work this side of heaven.
Today I celebrate my little boy, and the fact that this year has been free of surgeries and hospitals and any health scares what-so-ever. Instead, this year has been full of growing and changing, strengthing and healing.
And when I take the time to reflect on that, suddenly the fact that I didn't meet my son for the first 12 hours of his life doesn't matter. Suddenly the months I couldn't hold him and take him home pails in comparison to the endless days we get to snuggle and play and dance together now.
I am blessed. Truly blessed beyond all comparison, for this spunky sweet little life.
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He loves doggies, guitars, pianos, phones, dancing, wrestling, tickling, and playing with friends and family. He is smart. Sometimes too smart for his own good. He is sensitive. And cares deeply about other people. He is goofy. He's got the funniest sense of humor and the greatest deep belly laugh there is. He is strong. And keeps a joyful spirit in light of some difficult circumstances. I admire who is already. And know there is so much I can learn from him.
Before I was a mom, I always thought having a child was about teaching them the ways of this world. I would teach my children about manners, responsibilities, consequences, rewards. I would teach them their ABC's, colors, numbers, and words. Most importantly I would teach them about God. About who He is and what He has done for us. I had so much knowledge I had gathered over the years. And I was ready to pass this on to my children.
What I was not prepared for about being a mom, however, was everything my child would teach me. Here I was thinking I was on top of the world and had it all figured out...and then this tiny little boy came sweeping through my life and showed me how little I really knew.
Hudson, in your 2 years of life you have taught me more than I ever learned in the 24 years I had before you.
You have taught me how to love...really love, with no strings attached.
You've taught me how to surrender...truly surrender my desires, my plans, and my life.
You've taught me how to be patient...humbly waiting for God's timing and not my own.
You've taught me that the things that once mattered so much to me in this world, hold no bearing to the steadfast love, grace, and peace that can only come from our Father.
You've taught me how to be a mom. You've let me learn and make mistakes and have loved me through it. We've stuck together through a lot, you and me. And I love the bond we share because of it.
Hudson, I will never understand how I got so lucky as to be your mom. You have my heart. In a way no one else does.
Happy 2nd Birthday precious boy of mine.
