I have no idea how this happened. But happen, it did. This year has been a year of change for us all. And in the midst of the transformation in our hearts, in our homes, and in our lives; our littlest love has been growing, stretching, and changing right along side us.
Cohen. Oh my sweet Cohen. I have so many important things to tell you on this first birthday of yours. Lets just start with the obvious. You're adorable...
You are the most smiley, joy-filled baby there is. I literally can't take you anywhere without strangers stopping us dead in our tracks to get a close up look at this dimpled little guy who has been flirting with them from across the room. It's precious. You just love people. All people. Anybody that will stop and give you a smile.
Another one of your loves? Movement. All. the. time. Particularly when I am trying to change your diaper or put your clothes on. Or my all time favorite, when music is on and you just can't help but bop along to it. You move. You just move. And never quite seem to stop. You don't walk yet, but somehow I still find myself chasing and wrestling you to the floor. The day you get on those feet and take off...well, we are in trouble.
While I could go on and on about your awesomeness, here is what I really don't want you to forget on this special day, Cohen. Look around. Look around and remember what you see.
Yep...that's just me, your Daddy, and your brother. Do you see any other people? Do you see any decorations? Any 1st birthday shirts, or smash cakes, or wrapped presents? The answer is no. You aren't going to find any of these things on this birthday of yours. (But you will find store bought cupcakes and whole milk. Who needs anything else, right?)
You know what you will see? You will see our new home.
On this night you will be surrounded by the 4 walls of a home we prayed so fervently we would get to raise you in. A home that as crazy as it sounds, we truly feel was hand-picked for us. On this day, 1 year after your birth, we unloaded our moving truck and are sleeping in this home God gave us for the first time.
And here's the thing I want you to hear. Please hold onto this when you are grown and looking back at these pictures, feeling sorry for yourself for being the second child and not getting a 'proper' first birthday party. This was intentional. This was not by accident. We chose this day, July 12th, to be the day we moved into our house. Because, honestly, we could think of no better way to celebrate you coming into this world. Not just anyone, but YOU specifically. You see, there was a time not too long ago, when the pressure to give my child a blow-out, pinterest inspired, 1st birthday party would have over-taken me and seemed like the only way to give a proper celebration. Where the guilt of not doing so would have kept me up at night. Where i would have spent months planning, strategizing, and prepping for this occasion.
But this past year with you, my son, has changed me in so many ways.
God has used your life to change my heart. I mean truly change my heart. To where I'm not even sure I recognize myself anymore. Through you, He has taught me to let go of the things that simply do not matter. Through you, He has brought me freedom. Freedom from worry. Freedom from stress. Freedom from the love of this world. Freedom from other people's scrutiny or judgments. Freedom from the need to have it all together. Freedom to just be me. The mom that flat out doesn't care if I have the best birthday bash of the century, but simply wants to spend a moment reflecting on the great blessing you have been in my life.
Your presence...your very existence has brought this to me. Peace. Peace in the midst of chaos. In your smiles, in your snuggles, and in your giggles. Peace. Cohen, you've lived in 3 different homes in your first year of life. You moved states when you were 2 weeks old. And through it all, you have brought peace. Peace that is beyond understanding.
And so, on this 1st birthday of yours, we celebrate YOU by intentionally shedding all of the things that simply don't matter; and we gather as a family upholding the things that do. We praise the One who brought you to us, Cohen. And I can only pray you understand this is the greatest love we could ever show you, our son, on this very special day.
Our hearts overflow with love for you. Happy 1st Birthday!
Love,
Your Mama
